Top 6 Reasons I'm a Happy Single

After telling her that I’m happily single, a girlfriend asks me: don’t you ever want to talk to someone at home? Talking? No, I don’t. But the question makes me pause. I know she is asking more than just about talking. How do I live life, and what makes me happy without a man or kids? Love feels incredible for sure. Kids are adorable, no question. So what’s my deal.

Before I go further, I must say that having a healthy mind and body is fundamental to a person’s happiness, regardless of being single or not. No one ever wants to be chronically sick, but it sometimes happens outside our control. I know what life becomes when schizophrenia surfaces. The center of my life becomes the disease, dealing with its symptoms, seeing doctors, taking tests and medications, and dealing with side effects. It’s harder to think about happiness. So when I am healthy, I am grateful. Being healthy allows me to live the life I want, leading to joy, even though I didn’t list it as a reason.

Given that starting point, here are the top six reasons I'm happily single.

I like being with “me,” and it’s enough.

Back to my girlfriend’s question. What happens after reading an excellent book or watching an epic movie? For example, I recently watched Coda and loved it. I am okay with letting all the emotions sit in my head. Keeping things to myself isn’t a habit because I don’t have someone and have to. We didn't talk much at home when I had a boyfriend for six years. Having had relationships, I know that having someone doesn’t mean that I’ll talk more or want to interact with someone all the time. I can sometimes be very talkative when I am out with friends, especially one-on-one, in my social comfort zone. But even when I have fun, and I usually do, I need “me” time after that. On my own, I have plenty to do: listening, observing, reading, writing, or watching the world going by. I dance to the music in my living room. I am not afraid or frustrated by my mind when that’s all I have. I quite like “me,” making it easier to be single.

I have close friends and strong relationships.

I meet girlfriends for coffee or dinners regularly. Beyond food buddies, I have theater and travel buddies too. When I was a teenager, my parents and I immigrated to the U.S, and they were busy trying to make a living in Manhattan. I had the opposite of helicopter or tiger parents. Growing up, I was on my own, being an only child, and I learned to make friends and rely on them for human connection. Over the last three decades, I have built strong relationships with someone in every stage of my life. I treasure my friends, sending them my life updates often and keeping a tab on their lives. We celebrate significant milestones together, birthdays, weddings, and babies. Because most of my friends have families now, the get-togethers are usually monthly. When we meet, we easily pick up where we left off. When I am in trouble, for example, experiencing schizophrenia, my girlfriends know to show up immediately. It’s quality over quantity in time. My friends always have my back. I’m single but not alone in this world. 

I like working, which leads to financial independence.

Another habit I started as a teenager was working. Because my family had very little, I wanted to make money. Except for a couple of breaks, I’ve been working all my adult life. I’ve had challenging jobs that kept me engaged and were not a drag. Having decent pay allows me to have life essentials like paying for a home, keeping the light and heat on, and buying groceries. To spurring on pretty dresses, going out to eat, getting messages, and eventually traveling overseas for vacations. I can take care of myself and build a good life.

I am curious and love to engage the world in any way. 

As a single, I have freedom and time. I constantly have new ideas about what I want to do. I ask friends for recommendations on books, movies, and shows. Apple Music is good when taking a walk or riding the T (train). I bought a keyboard during the pandemic, hoping to pick up where I left when I was eight years old. I am part of a college alumni club. I just started volunteering at local non-profit helping women and children. I keep a wish list and update it often. The world is big, and there is so much to learn and experience—no need to wait for someone to come along.   

I have an abundance mindset.  

At almost fifty, I can say my life is plentiful. My one-bedroom is no comparison to my friend’s five-bedroom mansion with two floors, a basement, front and back yards, and a garage. On the other hand, I don’t live in a studio. There is no point in comparing. The important thing is how I feel about what I have. My home suits me perfectly. In it, I have everything I need. A few of my favorite things are the wood floor, Nespresso coffee maker, photos on the wall, city magnets, and plants on the window sill. Another example of feeling abundance: I have too many clothes because I don’t remember all of them. Every time I go into my closet, I find “new” cloth. It’s not just my home and clothing. I feel the same way about my travel, friends, and access to things. Practicing minimalism, I look at what I have instead of don’t have, clothing at the stores, the mansion my friends have, etc. Having more than enough in life is a calming and powerful mindset and a recipe for happiness.

Lastly, I don’t need to be a wife or mother. 

I never thought I had to be a wife. When I was 36, I wanted to be a single mother by choice, but that didn’t work out. I haven’t wanted to be a mother since. I don’t have a hole in my heart because I am not someone’s wife or mother. I am open to meeting someone kind and gentle. But it’s not something missing that I have to fix or work hard towards. There is no expectation or timeline. I am pretty lucky that I think this way. Without those roles, I still feel purposeful as a daughter, cousin, friend, auntie, colleague, volunteer of my community, and citizen of this world.

Looking at these, the reasons for being happy as a single may not be so different from being a happy person. After listing them, I realize that I’ve built my happy single life over time. As a single, I still live every day as best as possible. The contentment is accumulated from each day, from a friend, a job, a dinner, or a trip. Each day is a small yet powerful step forward. Instead of waiting for someone to come along, I focus on other possibilities and build a happy life day by day to say: I am enough, and I have enough.