I travel not because I'm single and it's easier but also because I want to
A friend said to me we could travel easily because we were single. I was surprised that I reacted to that and thought of myself: how did I feel about my traveling?
Asking for a two-week vacation from work at a fast-paced consulting firm requires effort regardless of our marital status. We must interrupt the work schedule, set expectations with colleagues who depend on us, find backups, and take ourselves out of any critical path. As singles, we are as responsible as our married counterparts.
There are many things we could do on vacation. Married or not, some of us choose to travel. I have seen girlfriends taking their babies on planes to the other side of the world. “It is a choice,” I told my friend. Traveling the way we do takes planning, energy, and money. For me, it’s a priority in life. There are plenty of singles who have no desire to travel.
Here is another conversation with another single girlfriend who expressed her frustration. This also nagged me. “My circle of single girlfriends has since all married except me. When we meet, they talk about buying a bigger home, raising kids, and having a family. I feel behind. What am I doing? Going to movies!”
If I desperately want a man in my life now, I would make dating the number one priority in my life. One of my girlfriends used to schedule back-to-back dates during weekends. She would meet men for breakfast, lunch, and afternoon coffee. Of course, it was tiring and took a lot of work. But she did what was within her control, eventually meeting the man who became her husband. She also became unequivocal on what was the most important to her vs. negotiables. She parted with some essential requirements from the beginning of her dating journey later in time.
I learned from my six years of dating that all I could do was put in my best effort on what I could control. I know I say no to men quite a bit. I had to be okay with my own decisions and consequences. I weighed the men I met, decided that none of them so far was my desired match, and stayed single. I’m single partly because of myself.
When I wanted to be a mother, I tried to get pregnant through an IUI and didn’t succeed. I didn’t want to adopt. I learned I didn’t want to be a single mother due to the potential mental and financial burden I would have to face alone. If I still wanted to be a mother now, I would have to consider adoption. I would look for options of what country and where to adopt, file paperwork that may take years, and prepare my home for a young child.
Another suggestion a dad friend told me was to get involved with organizations for kids if I wanted to have young children in my life. I could still help someone grow in other ways. But I had never made that a priority yet in my life.
We can’t look at others’ homes, husbands, and children and compare. I can only examine what I do. I’m what I do. I can only ensure that I spend my time doing things I value, such as working, traveling, and writing, for purposes I care about. (Dating is no longer a priority after six years.) If I’m happy with every step I take, then I should be alright.
So ladies, let’s not sell ourselves short, my friends. I travel because I want to and not just because I can. If there is something within my control that I want to be doing, I will do it.