When I die, I’ll be alone. That is what I prepare myself for as a single and an only child.
Don’t worry. I’m not sad or lonely. Quite the opposite. If you read my previous posts, you know I’m pretty happy and content surrounded by many local and international friends. For all my adult life, I have relied on good friends, which is an incredible blessing.
However, everyone must focus on their lives, children, parents, career and passions, and sometimes their relatives and extended families. We are no longer twenty-two, fresh out of college, and looking to hang out together all night and on weekends. Our lives now go beyond just movie marathons or bar-hoppings. I believe I have a healthy and balanced relationship with myself internally and with friends and family externally. Like them, I take responsibility for living an independent life with my purpose and goals having them in my life.
A few years ago, with girlfriends, the retirement topic came up. I said, I’m happy in Boston and will probably stay here when I retire. They responded I wouldn’t retire here. The winter here is horrible. I want warmer weather. It’s expensive here. Maybe Florida. Maybe California. I realized local friends will not always be close by. When we are in our 80s, 90s, or 100s, we will all have our own plans.
During my recent friendcation, another friend said it well. We must prepare for retirement. It is not realistic to start planning on the day we retire. She is looking into a beautiful ocean-side town in Mexico. Lower cost of living. Good health care. Easier to get help. Lots to do in the area. She plans to explore the town this month. She is my age.
An older woman who was a friend of my parents moved herself into an assisted living community when she was in her late 80s. Her children were all grown and lived elsewhere. She took care of herself. I thought that was very smart of her. I would do that. Like my friend hoping to get help in Mexico, I’ll also set up my life so that I have help from professional caregivers when I need it.
More immediately, I reexamined why I live where I live. A job brought me to Boston more than two decades ago. I’ve built a life here. But for the second half of my life, as I approach fifty, does it make sense to anchor around Boston as an older single, knowing that my girlfriends will always be there for me no matter when I live? How do I want to spend the next 50 years of my life as I switch my focus from making a living to realizing my passion or helping the community and giving back?
Taipei has always been a pulling force for me. Before I took up my friend’s fantastic offer to join her in Mexico and be like the Golden Girls, I thought of Taipei. It has a lower cost of living than Boston and universal health care. I know the language. Public transportation is good. The culture is vibrant. People are friendly and down-to-earth. Because of my extended family and childhood friends, it’ll be easier for me to build a life there than start from absolute zero somewhere else. Lastly, I still feel agile enough to make this change in my life. Taiwan seems to be an obvious choice for me to age gracefully.
I’m realistic and practical about how I might grow to 100 alone. Deliberately planning, supporting myself, and caring for myself is the best bet.
You always think things through, and Tapei sounds like a wonderful move (not that I'm thrilled by it). And though it's no consolation, we all die alone. Just as we come in alone.
Congratulations on your planned move! I envy your ability to pick yourself up and move internationally multiple times in a lifetime!
When I die, I hope I will be alone. I hope I will outlive my wife for her own sake. As an introvert, I can endure the separation better. As for the kids, I hope they’ll be independent and immersed in their own lives by then.
But that’s a long way from now. A few months ago my eye doctor told me I could buy some reading glasses whenever I find myself in need of them. So far I haven’t yet.