A Detox from Online Dating Apps

I mastered the skill to judge a man 100% by his cover in 3 seconds.

Out of twenty-some single years, I was actively dating for five. By that, I mean using dating apps and working with matchmakers. We will save matchmaking for another day. As a Gen X, I had to learn these apps when I turned forty. It was awkward at first, new, then exciting. I went on dates and met new people. But at the end of a few years of swiping, this changed something in me.

My initial hesitation in looking at online profiles was replaced by confidence after encouragement from friends. I created a mental checklist that I ran through on autopilot. Perhaps, it was his hair, height, typos, or sportiness. Or his tattoo, gym, bathroom, or car. Or his lack of cloth, a couple-plus-one, friends of benefits. Or his location, school, or job. It’s not a simple process of elimination, but nevertheless, I said no thanks to 95% of them.

In seconds, I could decide. I felt like an expert swiping faster and faster until one day, I thought, what am I doing?

Taking a person and presenting it flatly one-dimensionally on a screen made me comfortable checking through a list. Saying no, or swiping left, felt productive. I cramed this activity into any small whitespaces I had, during my commute to work or while waiting for a girlfriend at a restaurnt.

Even though online dating helped me meet men who I otherwise would haven’t met, the quantity didn’t translate to quality. I also didn’t like what I was doing. Giving someone new only a few minutes of my attention seems rude. Objectifying men is not what I want to be good at or feel good about.

So I decided to shut off these apps.