50s

Photo by Kendall Scott on Unsplash

Soon, I’ll be 50. I would be about halfway through my life if I were to be blessed with longevity. Coincidentally, the lives of people in their 50s have been popping up for me in recent weeks. Or perhaps, I noticed them more.

I process things slowly and don’t think fast on my feet unless I’m in super comfortable situations or with my close friends. When I started dating for the first time at 41, I was horrible not knowing all the etiquette, rules, and safety precautions. Being polite and friendly, I let the first man I met online into my apartment during our first date; my girlfriend texted me frantically, telling me not to do that.

Unlike most women who learned about dating during their twenties, I put in my effort in my forties. At age 50, I feel less awkward and not in such a frenzy. Having learned everything I did, thanks to these 39 men, I have become more of myself and depend less on how a man makes me feel. I had looked forward to meeting someone recently, but he canceled due to a last-minute work conflict. I didn’t feel as bad as I used to. When something is out of my control, I’m better at keeping it out of my mind and heart.

This mindset extends beyond dating. I’m content personally, socially, and at work. I love to channel Nora Ephron here from one of my favorite Atlantic articles, “Three Rules For Middle Age Happiness” by Deborah Copaken: “Gather friends and feed them, laugh in the face of calamity, and cut out all the things––people, jobs, body parts––that no longer serve you.” Starting at 50, I have abundance, contentment, and stability and hope to stand by this advice in the next decade. Wouldn’t ask for anything more.

In a video online, someone said, “Nothing surprised me anymore (now that I’m older).” This one, I had to disagree. I hope in my fifties, I’ll continue to be surprised by the flowers in the spring, the smell of the ocean or fire when I stand right in front of it, musical notes that let me forget myself, and stories that move me to the core, that show humility, kindness, and authenticity in life. The list doesn’t end here.

In the Netflix Special “The Light We Carry,” Oprah interviewed Michelle Obama at the last stop of Michelle’s book tour in LA. “No one can make you feel bad if you feel good about yourself.” Michelle’s father taught her when she was young. These two women continued to talk about living in our increasingly chaotic world—sharing honestly and being vulnerable. At one point, Michelle said, “I love being in my fifties.” She could be completely herself and couldn’t care less about other people's criticisms of her. Oprah agreed wholeheartedly.

Michelle also pointed out that she didn’t raise her two daughters to adhere to a narrow life path, such as marriage. She wanted the next generation of women to have the freedom to chart their own paths. Then Michelle turned to Oprah and said, see, Oprah is single, and she is very happy.

In the Netflix Special “The Call to Courage,” Brené Brown shared a God moment she had when she was at one of her lowest points when she read Theodore Roosevelt’s 1920 speech: “It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcomings; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spent himself in a worthy cause; who at best knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement and who are the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither knows victory nor defeat.”

Every person has their arena of life. I don’t pretend to know yours. But heading into my 50s, I can face questions on marriage, children, dating, etc., without embarrassment, which sometimes was self-inflicted. This is a lot of self-work and a learned skill. I try to be fully present in my arena, wake up, and show up every day. And on how to show up and be real, Brené said, “Be brave is to be vulnerable with boundaries.” I feel good about my life and am not afraid to share how I live with someone who earns the right to be part of it.

The wisdom from strong women like these and in my life has prepared me for going into my fifties.

When I shared this thought - that being in my fifties is going to be great and things are only looking up - a girlfriend pointed out that this is also when the generation before us heads into their eighties and nineties. This reminds me of a father being so heartbroken about his daughter, who died at a very young age, said that he realized that he shouldn’t be sad about the years his daughter didn’t live but should celebrate the years that she had lived, the years that they had together. That is to treasure what we already have, not to miss what we can’t have. I’ll continue to be thankful for every day my parents, family, and friends stay healthy and happy.

50s, I’m so very ready for you!